It’s been nearly a week since a Prince Albert man started a cross-Canada walk meant to open people’s eyes to domestic abuse.
Conrad Burns and Sheri Campeau have been carefully documenting the Rise Up walk against violence each day since they hopped on a plane to the east coast last week.
Burns says in the 220 kilometres they’ve walked so far, the goal has been to open up the conversation about abuse.
“We understand that hitting a person, kicking them, pushing them is abuse – that’s physical abuse. But the other aspect is emotional, mental abuse. Where you’re insulting a person, mock them, belittling them, controlling them through money or threats,” he said.
Burns knows from personal experience, that it’s easy to ignore the signs that you’re in an unhealthy relationship.
“I didn’t realize I was in an abusive relationship until I opened a book,” he said.
“I just figured ‘she’s just having a bad day.’ It was like ‘oh if I tried a little harder or did a little more everything would be alright.’ If somebody looked at me wrong or I talked to my cousins – she alienated me from my friends. She broke me down emotionally and broke down my self-confidence to the point where I felt like I couldn’t do anything right. And that’s part of the cycle of abuse is breaking down an individual so that they’re feeling isolated from other people.”
But he doesn’t hang onto resentment. Burns points out that a toxic environment can turn both people in a relationship into abusers – and the solution is to get out of it.
Sheri Campeau is walking with him.
“I’m a residential school survivor, sex abuse survivor,” she said. “I also became an abuser with my ex-husband because I learned to fight and when I learned to fight it got worse, the violence got worse so I got out. And we both are better people now, and I got counselling.”
Burns will be running for mayor of Prince Albert in the fall, but for now he has a targeted message for politicians at all levels.
The inflated costs government takes on in its prisons and group homes are a result of reactive decisions rather than proactive ones, Burns said.
In effect, addressing abusive behavior through healthcare funding will prevent crime and save money, he said. This includes counselling to help people come to terms with their actions.
“Abusers, they have unhealthy coping mechanisms so they don’t know how to deal with the frustration or anger they have so they take it out physically upon somebody else they’re imposing their will on someone else to make themselves feel better,” Burns said.
He said counselling can help people acknowledge when they need help, and deal positively with their feelings by changing those coping mechanisms. Options include going for a walk, talking to somebody, and describing how they feel.
“We were talking the other day about jail systems having, for each inmate, there’s thousands of dollars for that inmate to be there. Well for every person that seeks help there’s always people waiting to see a counsellor or waiting for mental health or waiting to get into mental health,” Campeau said.
They expect the coast-to-coast walk to end in mid-August.